you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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