I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
