Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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