You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
