I'm jealous of your bromance
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
