So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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