there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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