ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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