I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
