My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
