TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You left your phone here
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