got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
