i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
