What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
