woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize