My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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