you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
