have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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