I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
