the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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