I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize