Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
