There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
