We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
