So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
