sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
