my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
