Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
