Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
