Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
