the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
