So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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