i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
