I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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