Welp...herpes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
