Swine flu. Run for my life!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you traded sex for a burrito?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
