I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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