mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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