Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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