I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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