after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
