morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
