ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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