o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
