Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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