Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
