fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
