So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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