I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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