i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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