its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want to stick my p in your. b.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
