I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
