that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
be right there i have to get my cape
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
