but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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