Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
