Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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