I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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