Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
