Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So. Much. Porn.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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