yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
