I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
