Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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