there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
